Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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