I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
