He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
