i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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