I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
