I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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