Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
