shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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