We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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