we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
