4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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