YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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