I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
