i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
