I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
