if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
