She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
