The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
this just has baby written all over it
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
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