Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
