so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
