I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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