no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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