Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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