There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
