'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
