my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
