She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
