Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I am available for nakedness
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
