The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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