He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
