she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
