You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
