found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
