I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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