Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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