I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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