It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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