Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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