Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Everything about him screamed your future.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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