lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He better not be in your backpack
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
