i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
