But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
