I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
