that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
