i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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