I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
