Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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