I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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