I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
