I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Houston, we have a blender
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
